(Next Page) That suicide in Davao of a 12 year-old poverty stricken girl

Since the story of Marrianet Amper hogged the news headlines, we have been beating our breast in utter shame and even disbelief. We were awakened from a deep slumber of indifference to the fact that poverty is still staring us in the face. A national daily even went as far as branding the despondent teen as a "saint of poverty".

While her death sent shivers down our spine and eventually moved us as a nation into becoming more aggressive in our fight against destitution let us not parry the fact that depression, a mental state, can cause suicide.

"Suicide is one of the leading causes of death for teens. Girls try to commit suicide more often than boys. The important thing for you to know is that it doesn't have to happen. It is also important to know that suicide is not a heroic act, even though sometimes media images can make it seem so. Often, a person who is thinking about attempting suicide isn't able to see that suicide is never the answer to problems. Remember, there is always help – as well as support and love – out there for you or a friend," according to a respected medical internet site, WebMD.

We have become engrossed with media reports that Mariannet's suicide could have been triggered by her being mired in poverty. This can be gleaned by what she wrote in her diary detailing their impoverished state.

But there is another side to this melancholic tale. That, "many young people face high levels of stress and confusion, along with family problems. When you throw in raging hormones, it sometimes seems more than a teen can handle. Perhaps it’s not surprising that teen suicide is increasingly common...If you want to prevent suicide, it's important to understand depression. Depression is often used to describe general feelings of helplessness, worthlessness, and hopelessness. When teens feel sad or low, they often say they are depressed. While most of us feel sad or low sometimes, feelings of depression are longer lasting and often more serious."

It is not only when a teenager is dirt-poor that he is prone to suicide. Many young people who come from rich families are also apt to attempt suicide.

Here is a quick look at depression and suicide from WebMD:

"Depression and suicide sometimes go hand in hand, but it is important to remember that suicide can be prevented. In most cases, there are warning signs that an individual is considering a suicide attempt. The most effective way to prevent suicide is to recognize the warning signs, and respond immediately.

Some warning signs of suicide include the following behaviors:

• Talking about suicide
• Frequently talking about death
• Talking about feeling hopeless, helpless, or worthless, saying things like "It would be better if I wasn't here" or "I want out"
• Individual exhibits signs of depression, including deep sadness, loss of interest, trouble sleeping and eating
• Abrupt change of mood, from extreme sadness to happiness or calm
• Risk-taking behavior, e.g. driving too fast
• Person exhibits loss of interest in things he used to care about
• Person calls or visits people to say goodbye
• Person seems to be putting affairs in order (e.g. changes will) ,

Along with these behaviors, a person is at higher risk of attempting suicide if he or she has a chronic or terminal illness, is separated or divorced, is underemployed or unemployed, or has a family history of suicide."

As we continue to mourn Marrient’s death, let us also focus on our youth and their mental state. Let us not take any chances. If you think there something is psychologically or emotional bothering you that might lead to suicide don’t waste time tell someone close to you or seek professional help.

That suicide in Davao of a 12 year-old poverty stricken girl

The suicide of Mariannet Amper, a 12-year-old Filipina who lives in Davao is just the tip of our country's social iceberg. Despondent over the harsh reality of their family's poverty, she reportedly decided to end her own life by hanging herself inside their makeshift house.

It's a fact that many of our brethren our mired in abject fortune. But despite the political noise that has continued to reverberate in our nation, there are also many of us who are slowly getting out of the financial rut.

According to a survey, self-rated poverty has been on a decline. The Social Weather Survey stated that it ranged between 55 and 59 percent from December 2005 to June 2006. Now it’s in the vicinity of 47 to 53 percent. By all indication it is still on the high side, but if there is any consolation, it is going down. Meaning there is hope.

The problem is that our media is milking our penchant for underdogs for hideous profit consideration. The broadcast media in particular the giant television and radio networks come out with storylines that portray poverty as a valiant way of life that has to be lived.

Just watch the soap operas on prime time TV or listen to the afternoon drama on radio. Catch how Willie Revillame on Wowie induced people to cry as he dangles the prospect of getting 500 bucks. Listen to the emo music played over the airwaves and sang on karaoke bars. These music suggests suicide as an option.

Worse, many of us have this victim mentality. We brag about our dire strait, subconsciously preferring to stay poor if only to feel good inside. Nauseating, but evidently true.

Notice how PUJ drivers insist on changing their flat tires in the middle of the road for all to see even if it will cause a traffic jam. Go to a politician's house and see the long line of people asking for anything under the sun even bringing with them fake doctor's prescription to ask for money.

It's hypocritical for us to complain and lay blame solely on government and our corrupt politicians.

In the end, we are all to blame for the death of that little girl. Her blood is in our hands because either we choose to ignore the poor or we would rather want them to stay poor for our own pathetic interest.

The fault is yours and yours alone

Do not allow a golden parachute to fall to the ground without hanging on to it to heal the wounds of your past.

In your lifetime there will be several life changing moments that would come your way. It could be in the form of a family crisis, a loved one who without warning becomes terminally ill or it can be a broken vow.

As you stroll to the present, you leave behind moments of time that will haunt you in the future. It is not impossible to leave a trail of your bastard past. You are only human and as such prone to commit tempestuous acts.

And when your past finally catches up with you and it always will, you will experience
deep-seated emotional, psychological and spiritual anguish.

In turn, this will affect your relationship with the people around you, your friends, relatives and more particularly your very own family. Most unfortunate, you will not even realize that your haunted past is destroying you and tearing your world apart. Often you will blame others except yourself.

Luckily, the universe where you revolve, although often belatedly, will start to get their acts together to help you keep your balance. They will strive to help you restore your sanity and give you a priceless memento - peace of mind. You will resist for a time, but pray that soon you will see the light of day.

As these unfold, the people around you will also stitch the emotional, psychological and spiritual wounds that happened in their own past.

And so true healing occurs. You will someday be freed from the pain of yesteryears. Your loved ones will also benefit from the process.

Except that there are some of us who perennially misses to capture the golden moments of healing that usually stares us in the face. It is either by willful action or just plain inaction.

In the end, the fault will be your and yours alone.

The sins of our fathers

I have read about a prostitute whose mother was at one time in her life was also engaged in the flesh trade. I have read about an alcoholic father whose son later became hooked on alcohol.

I have also read about a pious mother who has a daughter now serving a life sentence. I have also read about a hardworking father who has a drug dependent son.

More often than not, a renegade parent begets a problematic child. But what surprises me is how a God-fearing mother or a father who is a good provider can have a child who is the exact opposite.

This goes to show that there is no assurance of what your child will become. But I have this theory.The sins of our fathers are the root cause of why there are children who as adults become a bane to society. But to blame the sins of our fathers as the reason why there are children who as adults create chaos is grossly unfair.

The sad reality is that the sins of our fathers are the result of the sins committed by there fathers before them. And so a vicious cycle is created.

I am not talking here of sin in the spiritual sense. But rather I refer to sin here as a parental failure or mistake that is unintentional. Or if I may point out more clearly, a parenting act that is born out of lack of understanding about being a parent.

Parenting is the most difficult job in the world. Yet, there is no curriculum anywhere in the world that teaches parenting. If you want to be a builder you have to take up a five year course in engineering. If you want to heal the sick you have to study medicine for up to ten years. If you want to hear confession and say mass you have to enter the seminary and become a priest.

But if you wish to become a parent all you have to do is find a partner and the next thing you know is that you have a child. I don’t know of any curriculum in the world that will prepare you to become a father or a mother to your child. Yet, parenting is considered by many as the most important work in human society.

Despite the lack of parenting skills, not having undergone a parenting course since none is available anyway, there are still so many more children who become adults that live a life fulfilled.

This is because there are also so many parents while ignorant about parenting have consciously made it a point to connect emotionally with there children. Emotional connection is a very important ingredient in bringing up a child who will become at peace with himself as an adult.

A child who lives in fear, a child who is insecure, a child who feels unloved can grow up disturb and unstable. A child who is praised more but sometimes put to task for a mistake committed may soon understand that life is kind but not perfect.

You are a product of who you were as a child. Who you are today is the sum total of your past. So if you are who you are now probably sad, angry or depress there is no one to blame except you. For what you will become tomorrow is how you live your life at the present.

What's emo and the youth of today?

While walking with friends along the sugar beach of boracay on a moonless night, I was eavesdropping on a conversation between a teenager and a lifestyle editor. It was the first time I heard the word emo to describe a genre of music. A week later I heard my son described being alone as "emo". While I was choosing a theme for my multiply site, I saw several designs by young artists labled as "emo".

So I finally decided to "wiki" the word emo and this is what I found: "Emo is a style of rock music which describes several independent variations of music with common stylistic roots."

"Emo is also sometimes associated with a certain fashion. Emo clothing is characterized by tight jeans on males and females alike, long fringe (bangs) brushed to one side of the face or over one or both eyes, dyed black, straight hair, tight t-shirts which often bear the names of rock band (or other designed shirts), studded belt, belt buckles, canvas sneakers or skate shoes or other black shoes (often old and beaten up) and thick, black horn-rimmed glasses."

"As certain fashion trends and attitudes began to be associated with "emo", stereotypes emerged that created a specific target for criticism. In the early years of the "third wave", the criticism was relatively light-hearted and self-effacing. In ensuing years, the derision increased dramatically. Male fans of emo found themselves hit with homosexual slurs, largely a reflection of the style of dress popular within the "emo scene" and the purported displays of emotion common in the scene."

My understanding of "emo" is simple. It's the shortcut for the word emotion/emotional.

When I was a teenager I learned that being emotional is only for women. But a June 2006 article by the Reader's Digest entitled "Big Boys Don't Cry stated that "new research reveals that a man's emotional life is a complex and rich as a woman's, but often remains a mystery - both to him and to her. Although emotions have long been considered a female trademark, men report feelings as often as women, and describe their experience of emotions similarly.

It is only recently that the human race has started to accept the fact that men have emotions too. Except that they always have kept it in check because showing it was considered a sign of weakness.

Since the world is now more ready to see men show their emotions, the modern day teens have coined the word emo to describe the act of expressing emotions. In this way, the blog and social networking generation is trying to make the word more fashionable and acceptable. In this way, when men expresses emotion it becomes trendy. What do you think?

"Measure of a Man"

"I am who I am, and whenever I am treated in a way that I feel is contrary to how I hold myself, I will defend myself by improving myself," he says. "The more I improve myself, the more of a man I become, the more of a humane person I become."

This was what Sidney Poitier told millions of audience who watched Oprah Winfrey Show one day. It was "The Dinner of a Lifetime with Sidney Poitier"..."It was an event months in the making—the dinner of a lifetime for one of Oprah's heroes, Sidney Poitier.

Enthralled with Sidney from the time she was 10 years old and saw him win the Academy Award® on her black-and-white television, Oprah set out to create a magical evening with Sidney and seven lucky readers of her book club selection The Measure of a Man."

After watching that episode, I could not stop thinking about what Sidney Poitier said during that dinner interview. I rushed to find his book in National Bookstore. Since I could not find one, I decided to search Oprah's website hoping to find excerpt of that interview.

Luck was on my side. I found the entire interview, the conversation among guests. It was transcribed and posted on Oprah's website. And so I now have the exact quote that I was looking for.

As we reached adolescence, we start to search for our very own identity. Unfortunately, many of us end up hooked in drugs or become alcoholic for the very simple reason of failing to answer the question, "Who am I?".

This has got to do with how people around us help create for us our sense of who we are. This has got to do with how people criticize or praise us. As a social being we want to belong. When we live a life of too much praise or abundant criticism, we begin to lose our personal identity. We no longer could not answer the very important question, "Who am I?".

I know who I am. I know my strength and my weaknesses. Everyday I am bombarded with contradicting statements about who I am from people I meet and from persons close to me. Like Sidney Poitier, I have learned to fully understand who I am. If I am told that what I think about me is not what others think of me then I step back, remind myself of my identity and work hard to strengthen my being.

I strive to become who I always want to become while conscious of the fact that I am only human born to do what's right but bound to commit mistakes.

What is Love to a Four Year Old Boy?

The past few weeks, I noticed my four year old son kept telling me “I love you, papa”. I would reply “I love you too, Rigo”.

So one day I asked him an adult question. I knew before lodging the query that it would be unfair to him. I was confident that he knew the answer except that he could not blurt it out since his fragile mind is still in the process of maturing.

Anyway, I proceeded to asked him, “Rigo when you say I love you papa, what do you mean by love.” In my effort to communicate to him in the language he understands I rephrased the question over and over again. I could not seem to say it in the words he will comprehend.

So I stuck to my earlier question and asked him what he meant by love. Rigo then blurted out “love is kiss girl” then he gave me a sheepish smile along with a wily giggle.

I was taken aback. For one I know he knows what love is. I know because he has lots of it from the people around him. He feels it and he expresses it. I also know that he could not explain it to me yet.

But to answer me “love is kiss girl” showed that he has other concepts of love, the one that I usually call the “Hollywood love”.

Ever since, my thoughts on love have always been a far cry from the romanticism that we see on television and the movies. I stand that love comes from the WILL and not a product of the EMOTIONS.

If you use your will to love then it would be easier or harder to fall out of love, depending on how mature your will is.

If you use your emotions to love then you will be more dependent on external factors such as looks, smell or attitude. Any slight external change by your partner can precipitate love lost.

So, “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways”.

Pain as an emotional anesthetic

All along I thought tonsillitis was only for children until at 38 I was hit by it. I could hardly talk. I could not even swallow my own saliva. Just before midnight of the third day of suffering what was clearly an acute tonsillitis, my wife prodded me to see a doctor. So off I went to the nearest e.r.

The doctor who saw me told me to thank myself for making the right choice of seeing a physician just before my inflamed tonsils would have fully covered my trachea giving me difficulty in breathing.

For one week I suffered intense discomfort. I had to force myself to eat so that I could take my medications. I was warned not to take my pills with an empty stomach. I had to prod myself to drink water if only to swallow my antibiotic.

At every instance I tried to lull myself to sleep so that I would not feel any physical pain.

Fourteen days after my bout of tonsillitis, I suffered from bicipital tendonitis, an inflammation of the tendons. For a few days it was very difficult to move about because any bodily motion would trigger intense pain on my injured left shoulder.

My left arm was on a sling so that the swelling will heal faster. I had to endure two weeks of having to use only my right arm.

As I was subjected to intense physical ache I was also undergoing extreme emotional pain.

Belatedly, I realized that physical pain can be a form of emotional anesthetic. As I suffered severe physical discomfort I became emotionally numb. I was so engross in battling my physical hurt I could not feel any emotional displeasure.

When my bodily pain was long gone and my emotional ache was healed I tried to choose what’s more bearable if I have to suffer any of it again.

I think I will choose neither of the two intense experiences. I know someday one or both kinds of pain will come back to disturb my peace. But I will be consoled by the thought that I have been through it before and that I will be able to weather the storm.

Silence is deafening

I live in the city all my years. Sunset is not an ordinary sight for me to behold. But I always love the sunset. It does not signal the end of the day but the coming of a new tomorrow.

When we were young, my grandparents and my mother use to bring us to Banatayan Island specifically in Suba, Bantayan to the family house of my grandfather. My mom once told me a simple anecdote about my great grandmother, the mother of my grandfather. My great grandmother was once asked why she had no TV in her home.

She replied, I don't need a TV. Just look at how beautiful the sunset is and you will never need a television to give you the visual pleasures your heart desire. The vista is more than what a television can give you. In all humility, she pointed at the sunset, a big fireball slowly descending from the sky above. It silhouettes the several islands scattered along the vast sea that is facing the ancestral house. It also provides a beautiful orange ray on the small boats parked by fisher folks as they await the evening to head off to fish another day.

Every time, we stayed in Suba where we numbered around 100 relatives during Holy Week we can never stop to marvel the sunset. New visitors who join us during Holy Week won't hesitate to finish whatever film they brought for the holidays just to get the best shot of the sunset. (There were no digital cameras then in the late 70's.

When I had the chance to stay in Balicasag Island, off Panglao Island in Bohol last Holy Week, I could not stop using my Sony Ericsson K610i. I first took pictures of the hut without anybody inside it. Then I asked my brother to stay put inside the hut as I clicked on the shutter until my hands numb in utter excitement. Then when the sun was at its lowest, I requested my eldest son to sit down with his uncle and pose for me and for the SE K610i I was using.

My son and my brother sat there mincing no words, all they did was face the sunset. But the silence grew so loud that my ears could hardly take it. I wondered where the sound came from. I looked around and all I could see were few people walking on the beach just marveling the sunset.

At first I could not make sense of what I heard. It was like a sonic boom of a passing jet plane, and then it sounded like a rouge wave about to devour the entire island. Only later did I realize that the sound came from my heart and my soul.

Suddenly, calm beset me. I fully understood what the sound was all about. In the stillness of that afternoon, when the sun was setting, I was told that life is not going to be over. That it was just about to begin when the sun rises in the east the day after.

As we watched the sunset, we usually wax melodrama in our heart and soul fearing the coming of December. That April will long be gone and the coldness of the night will induce us into an everlasting slumber.

Fear not, for sunset is the ultimate gesture that there is tomorrow.

Journey Along

I can go on and on and yet I am not anywhere near my destination. But I know I am not lost. I am certain I am not wandering either.

After frolicking with politics for almost three years the circumstance brought me back to the corporate world.

First thing I noticed my blood pressure has normalized. I am able to drive back home before sun down when before I get home as darkness envelopes our little abode.

My teenage son no longer has to suffer listening to the news or radio commentaries. I also get the chance to dialog with him as I negotiate the after work traffic.

As soon as I arrive home around late afternoon or early evening I change to exercise attire. My four year old son rides his bike while I walk my doberman around the neighborhood.

While my routine has changed, while my energy and creativity is now solely used inside the board room I have not really waved the white flag on politics. Except that it is now in the back burner.

Before I immersed myself in the world of politics I get easily upset with how politicians run government. I was in the impression that politicians should not lay claim to the word public servants. I shuddered at the mere thought of politics.

These entire notions about politics and politicians have changed when I had the opportunity to work for a family of true-blooded public servants. I saw how they gave up there personal space to accommodate the needs of the populace.

Unfortunately, they were sorely misunderstood. I don’t blame the people who chose not to understand them. Like the rest of humanity, I too had the same assumptions before I dabbled with politics.

As I wandered along memory lane, I realized that it is us, the people being served who needs to change if we want change in the first place. There is nothing wrong with politics and politicians.

They entered the game with the intention to be good public servants. But, we the people cajole them. We seduce them. We coax them to do things the way we don't want it done.

Think about it as you journey along.

Window Frame

One Sunday morning, I called my eldest son to my room. I told him to stand at the end side of my bed and look outside the window. A few seconds later I asked him what did you see. I didn't see anything, my son answered.

Again, I asked him to look outside the window and tell me what did you see. He replied, I told you dad, I didn't see anything. So for the third time, I asked him to look outside. I guided his head to where I want him to look. Then I asked what did you see? At that instance two birds landed on the roof of our neighbor's house. So my son told me, now I see something. Wanting to know his answer I asked, what is it? He said, two birds. Duh.

Before I called my son to my room, I was standing where I asked him to stand. I was looking outside my bedroom's window. There I stood to watch a body of water I started to call "the green pond ". I named her as such because she is surrounded by lush green shrubs laced with majestic coconut trees.

The green pond was etched perfectly in my bedroom's window. It was as if I was staring at a framed photograph of a body of water sprinkled by the rays of the sun. As I was marveling at God's wonderful creation, time stood still.

When I got back to my senses, I called my son hoping he too would see what I saw. But, seeing the obvious he was not able to do. Instead, for two times he told me he didn't see anything.

When I thought he would also marvel at the framed green pond, he said he saw two birds instead.

More often than not we fail to see what's in front of us. Many at time, we don't see what's ahead of us. Life is too simple that we have to make it complicated to live it.

Either, we refuse to see what is there in front of us or we just want to see what we want to see. Even if my son was staring at the green pond framed by my window, yet twice he said he didn't see anything. It was only until he saw two birds at our neighbor's roof top that he said he saw something.

Seeing the obvious is not man's best friend. We take for granted what is there in front of us, if that something has been there for a long time. We get blinded by doors, stairs and many permanent fixtures in our surroundings.

Thank God, we human beings are not just like any other permanent fixture around or we would fail to see each other.

If you want to see beyond what is obvious, train your eyes to capture snapshots of stale moments and freezing time.